This is what I received from a mutual friend who used to talk to her even after me and her were not together, based on what he got to know about us, this is what he sent me..
“Excuse me!” He said as i turned aside and watched him go. He didn’t even say my name or turned back like i was some strange person he have never met before, the same way he did when i first saw him, at this very place. Like he did not know who i was, like i was suppose to not know who he is either. Like he could forget those six months without any regret or memory.
I usually wish it was not like that, but then half of me knew from the start that it would be like that, and then it was kind of obvious because i knew you should never let your eyes wander towards the person who’s going in the opposite direction, never let the heart feel a thing for someone who’s bound to go the other way because no matter how much you both keep coming back at each other, in the end your directions are different and you cannot stop them. And then again, i was stupid enough not to follow my own principles, stupid enough to follow him in the bus that would lead me to the opposite side of the city i lived, like i was spellbound of his beauty that knew no seems. But trust me it wasn’t his beauty or anything, it was nothing, really, just a silly instant reaction. I was standing on the bus stop, waiting for my bus from last fifteen minutes, in the skin rippling heat of July and when finally it was coming i was entrapped in some long misplaced thoughts.
“Excuse me?” He almost shouted when he was done pushing me aside with his big hot hands. Oh, he was hot, if you are talking about when you touch something and it burns your skin into ashes then yes, god damn it, he was hot. His firing touch on my bare arm pushed me out of my trance so forcefully that i felt extremely traumatic for a few seconds. I did not even see his face when his shoulders brushed mine and the sweat on his sleeves got pasted on my clean arms. I should have felt disgusted or somewhat offended or at least worried that i just lost the last bus to home that sees the daylight but i was simply unaffected and ensnared by his vanishing essence. I did not know why but i just followed him, not knowing the consequences. Followed him to the bus like a cancer patient follow a cigarette, like a criminal follow a police van, like a happily living person follow his death which is, following your own destruction.
The bus was filled so badly and this mighty guy was clogged at some corner of that suffocating crowd for next ten minutes, it was impossible to even get a glimpse of him. Ten minutes later, the crowd rushed out and his face came in view at the window seat, where he was pushing the sleeve of his bag out of the hold of the window pane and god knows how on earth it got clung up there. I gazed at him until his body turned towards me and when i finally saw him, i saw him. I have never felt my heart race so fast ever before, when i saw his tower tall, well built body, his big muscular arms, his white wheat-ish skin tone, his slightly acne laden cheeks, his brown hairs with a tint of red, his dark black eyes. His piercing gaze and his sexy sigh.
He eyed me suspiciously when i got down on his stand, which was the last one too but didn’t say anything until i did the most embarrassing act of my life. I tripped and fell (not on him) and hurt my knee. The ground was all dirt so i just started brushing myself.
“Oh fuck” i cursed without a thought, it was an instant reaction but it was also the reason for so many tragic events of my life, wonderful and tragic. His head turned and he stopped, looking at me with those beautiful little dark black eyes. I stood up carefully and looked around because i was doomed now, back to conscious and not knowing where to go. Until…
“Need some help?” He asked me in his husky and ultimately sexy voice. It failed me, turned all my walls upside down. He was pulling me towards him with some invisible force and the big deal about all this was that he knew not. “My gaadi (bike) is parked near Kolhapur metro station, if you need a ride then..” he stopped and looked at my blank and frozen silhouette. “See, I’m son of a lecturer so if you’re getting any wrong ideas then it’s not that!” I tried to speak but i couldn’t just move. Dammit those lips, those silly tickles inside my stomach.
” Do you live around?” He asked again.
“No.” I replied truthfully and screwed up my disguised motive in just one second.
“Then?” His already invisible brow lifted up forming a question at me.
“I got on the wrong bus and now i don’t know how to go back and i just, i am just..” i do not know the reason why i was panicking but it was surely a terrifying one. He looked surprised while i suddenly started sweating as he took his steps towards me. “So you’re saying you’re lost?” He asked with a sly smile on his face and my heart beat raced like a racing horse bound to win. “Y-yes” i took a step back as he was standing too close. And suddenly, out of blue he started laughing.
“Ugh..stupid girls!” He kept on laughing for next one minute like somebody have cracked the biggest joke of his life. It was annoying and embarrassing but for some reason he looked so cute to me, laughing like ten year old kid in a different astonishing manner. Even his laugh allured me. He stopped, breathing heavily and looked at my blank face and smiled oh-so-sweetly. He pushed his hand towards me and said, “Ashish Bhatt”
“What?” I was little shocked and yet confused.
“My name, it’s my name.” He said and cocked his head to one side. “You didn’t get on the wrong bus just for nothing, right?” Then the clear crystals of reality pulled my eye balls out as i watched him grin so badly and everything went clear. I can’t tell the degree of embarrassment i faced that very moment but his sweet smiles and sweet talks dissolved all of it. We talked for next forty five minutes and then i realized that it was already dark and i needed to get back home as soon as possible. Now if you remember, he said he has his gaadi. Yes! It was long drive with lots of ups and downs so i had to hold him(you know how).
“Bye Priyanka” were the words that marked the onset of our rendezvouses.
SIX MONTHS LATER
“Ashi, WHERE ARE YOU!” I exclaimed, my voice a little too high, at the person on the other line of the phone as i waited for the bus to come, in which he was sitting. Sitting on the bench for last two hours, this was the highest of his records of making me wait.
“I said i’m coming!” He hung up. I felt angry, neglected, annoyed and wanting to go away and ditch him but when the green bus stopped in front of me and he stepped out in his white long kurta, his brown hairs messed, his dark black eyes searching, i was fascinated.
Say sorry, say sorry, my head pleaded him but it was not happening i knew.
“What?” He asked looking at my face in confusion. “And can you please not shout on phone? There was already too much noise and anyway it was not my mistake, the bus was bloody late!” And here he solved all the situation. Just like that. Like he does all those ninety times when we met.
“Yeah, I’m sorry” that was me, not him, apologizing for something i did not do but that was normal, a daily routine. His coming late, my apologizing. Because sometimes you are too much drawn to one pattern that you forget to notice everything around it, is getting lost in a void, slipping off your hands.
“I’m going next week.” He murmured, eyes away from me. “Next week? But you said you would complete the course!”
“Then also i had to go na Pree, now also i am going! It is the same thing” Even when he took my name accusingly, his voice mesmerized me.
“Three months and a week you think are a same thing?” I felt cheated and lost, his going away would kill me i knew.
“Pree, i have to go, its a waste of time here” he said running fingers through those brown hairs.
“Don’t go, don’t go Ashi. Please…please” We stopped in the middle of the road as tears ran down my face, he looked at me surprised. “Pree noooo” without saying another word he pulled me into his arms, which being my favourite place in this world but i knew this warmth was short-lived.
He was here for the preparation of his engineering entrance test while i was preparing for my pre medical examination. The buildings of our coaching classes were just aside but our true destinations were way too far, almost parallel to each other. Never touching, never colliding. He didn’t believe in relationships and i was falling in love with him if you call it falling because it’s really more than that. We were far too apart to have a sense of oneness. Yet our togetherness knew ways of retaining itself conflict after conflict. It was not perfect, it was a disaster but it was what it was and it was not changing.
“Pree, get up! I have to go or I’ll miss my train” his voice broke my lovely dream, my dream of him and me together, running after each other in circles, laughing like fools, like people in love. But the reality knew the truth, only foolish Priyanka was in love and the beautifully intelligent Ashi couldn’t even see it. I slept at his flat that night,with him, in his bed, with his arm clung around my waist and my head on his chest listening him breath so softly like the winter breeze.
“Pree, uth ja, jaane de mujhe” his sweet voice stroke my emotions while his warm breath caressed my neck as his alluring smell filled my body again and i opened my eyes into his. “Why are you going Ashi? Don’t go. Stay here, stay here”. My voice was sleepy but i was awake, i couldn’t even cry, he was going anyway, my tears wouldn’t matter.
“I’ll keep coming Kolhapur as soon as the exam is over, don’t worry Pree!” But everything worried me .
Next two years felt like a void, without him. Everyday watching everything and everyone without him. He called for next few month, thrice a week at first then once a week and then once a month and after seven months, he forgot my existence(i guess). I tried his number and it always said switched off and he never told me where he lived in Kashmir, i couldn’t go anywhere else to look for him. So i kept going back to his bus stop to look for him then getting on the wrong bus and searching him in the crowd then looking for him on his stop then standing in front of the building where he had taken a flat, hoping any second he would be getting down to see me then looking in the parking for his gaadi, wishing maybe he is waiting for me there. I half went everywhere to find his essence and take it with me forever so that no one can take it away from me now but it did not happened and i couldn’t find him, not until this present day.
As he passed me, his smell filled my body like an enchantment which my soul soaked up like a drug it had wanted so badly for so long. He was wearing my favourite white kurti of his. He didn’t see me or did not wanted to but my reaction was kind of unconscious generated. Almost automatic like without my knowledge.
And so i followed him in the opposite direction like i did two years ago in a hope of getting lost again and finding him again. Finding my destiny in the opposite direction, again.
Its up to you to decide how I am?